Fear and Loathing, Hold the Loathing.

So. What is my worst fear? The persistently consistent    Or is it consistently persistent?    thing, creature, object concept, et cetera, which fills me with an ever-pervading sense of dread, death, and doom? I'll admit, mine's pretty boring. I am an acrophobe. That is to say, I'm afraid of heights. Whenever I'm near    that is to say, within six feet of    a cliff edge, building edge, canyon edge, any sort of edge, really, I become paralyzed with fear. This may be for a couple of reasons. firstly, I'm quite tall. Tall people have a higher center of gravity than shorter people. (Although I seem to be find my center of gravity slowly getting lower and wider; but, my appetite isn't important right now.) Now, when you have a high center of gravity, things like railings, low walls, and other various waist-to-stomach high obstructions do little in the way of protection; Most times, when I lean on one these objects, I feel as if I could very easily tip right over the side, into nothingness.

This, is the first reason for my fear. Certainly though, it is not the worst reason. You see, I haven't exactly gotten to the second, vastly greater reason for my fear of heights. No, the second reason is much more terrible.

You see, I have a weird little secret. When I am faced with dizzying heights, for some reason,
I am compelled to jump.

Now, I'd like to clarify, this isn't a suicide thing; I'm not depressed, I love everything about my life, and given the chance I wouldn't change a thing. (Well, maybe a few things, but we'll get to that...) It's just that, and this is hard to really explain, but, when I am near the edge of a high place, I try to stay away from it, because I don't trust my own legs. I don't trust them to, in the spirit of discovery, find out what such a drop feels like. I don't trust my own body, how weird is that? I mean, I know I'm a curious person, and I want to experience as many things as I can, so I guess there's that. But, are there really people out there who are curious to the point of self-destruction? I mean, I guess there are drug addicts, adrenaline junkies, those people who stick forks in electrical sockets, to know what it feels like...

Oh my god, am I like them?
I'd rather not think about it.